I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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