We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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