Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
