I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
