Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
