I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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