Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
