I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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