There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
