Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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