When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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