i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
