He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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