I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
