sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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