i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
