shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
