He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck appropriateness.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
