apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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