What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
