Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
