a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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