he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just want to make out with him forever
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
