I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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