i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he shaved USA in his pubs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
