Umm I'm too high to move.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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