This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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