hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
