Taylor Swift is so right about you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
