Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
