dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
