I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
