My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
