i jhust puked up my retainher.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
