I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
