absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
