Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
