I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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