i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
