Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
