I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
