Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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