Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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