Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
nutella sex= disaster
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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