i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
