I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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