Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
