I'm jealous of your bromance
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They took my balls.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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