Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
