We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
