I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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