You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
