she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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