you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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