I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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