the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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