2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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