FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
