The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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