she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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