I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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