I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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