Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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