I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
