I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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