I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
