Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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